Usually, when I attempt to write anything on a word document, the extremely indecisive part of my brain decides to drop in for a quick hello and tell me how ridiculous and pointless whatever I am about to type will be. I would then proceed to mope around the house and cry for the slightest bit of attention and validation from my mother. Even though I could easily leave my chair and do this, I feel extremely passionate about this week’s theme because it is something I know I have lacked a lot of during lockdown and I know my friends have too. Hard work takes endurance, perspective, and a butt load of sacrifice. During lockdown, I have noticed myself not putting enough effort into schoolwork, into staying fit and into leaving the spot I have sat in since I woke up. My mental health has been dreadful, resulting in the same pattern every day; feeling ambitious and determined to work and move, then feeling extremely sad and anxious about various things with varying importance, then feeling incapable of doing schoolwork because of these anxieties, then finally realising it is 8pm and I have done nothing remotely productive during my 10 hours of procrastination. Yes, I have had a few days where I have felt confident and productive, but there is no consistency. It is like everything feels too much and the weight of it all is unbearable. Very dramatic stuff I know.
I have recently realised I have been playing a cruel and exhausting trick on myself since school’s closed. I have always been determined, ambitious and productive, I have just been avoiding the tasks and challenges Infront of me that I would usually face head on. I am a hard worker, but I have not been putting the hard work in. It is why my mental health has been so low and I have not felt like myself. The lack of structure to my day resulted in a poor little Luke not knowing what do with the amount of stress and boredom he was feeling.
So, what have I done to feel motivated and put the hard work back into my day?
Basically, I have been kinder to myself. I have encouraged myself to go outside and stretch my legs. I have involved myself in lessons and invested myself as much as I can in school. When I feel I could have worked harder in that lesson; I do not beat myself up over it. If I know I can be fitter, I do not beat myself up over it. Mentally, I am nowhere near where I want to be in terms of work ethic and health; but I am progressing. I feel that adding competitive aspects to staying fit or completing work makes me work harder and feel even more motivated to keep working, and if I don’t see the point in doing anything, I soon realise I’m being very stupid and get back to work.
I assume I will always stress too much over small things and have very VERY low points in the near future but working hard in school and staying in touch with the hobbies and people I will always love make it easier to get back on track to feeling good about myself.
As someone who finds themselves completing work close to deadlines because they are too busy researching how many Disney World theme parks could fit in Britain, I understand hard work is the worst sometimes. But if you feel like you cannot motivate yourself because of any reason, you are wrong. YOU are never alone and YOU can put the hard work into anything you want, it all just comes down to one beautiful individual to persevere and sacrifice their time for something they will 100% benefit from. It is not up to anyone else but yourself. I implore you to really think about that. Then, most importantly, go do something about it.
I hope that helped you as much as it helped me,